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I'm a revengetarian. Yeah, strictly vengeance-based diet. It's a lot of waiting around for livestock to be jerks to me 
Army drone crashes near Pennsylvania elementary school! Probably taking pics of lil kids - NS@ Pedophiles
Nice guys finish somewhere other than in your hair.
Hey, car designers, you have kids, right? How is "limo window partition" between the front and back seat not an option yet? Step the fu*k up
Damn hard of hearing pharmacist. I had trouble sleeping so I asked for Nytol. He gave me Mydol. So here I am, wide awake, but I have to admit the cramps and bloating are gone.
Holy shit, I just found out time travel is possible. You can go to 2004 by just following this link: www.myspace.com
Sexually molesting the wall while looking for the light switch.
On a scale of 1 to Mother-in-law How annoying are you?
if you sling enough poop against the wall, eventually some will stick...Lil-David, snotty, stoner dudee and a few others...
If you ever jammed to Unskinny Bop, you really can't complain about todays music...
2014. Yep, nothing's changed. The good people are still good. The bad people are still bad. The smart people are still smart. The slow people are still slow...and the assh0les are still assh0les.
I cut my thunb and am texting with my index finger. Can I get one of those special license plates?
More snitches will be able to afford stitches under ObamaCare.
to all of you Virgins, thanks for nothing.
Just ate 3 tennis balls by mistake,,,, frig you Pringle's.
When a raccoon stands up and cracks his knuckles, stop shaving him immediately.
How do women think without a pen*s?
Taken 27 coming to theaters in January 2029.
My dream job is to drive Karma's bus.
*Jesus sits down at the bar* "The boss says we have to start charging you for water" 