Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Facebook Status Messages or Whatsapp updates and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Stop naming hospitals after dead people. I'm mean give us some hope? Where is the Keith Richards Memorial Hospital?
←Rate | 07-17-2019 07:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Lion King is the best way that people from Michigan can see a group of Lions come together and win
←Rate | 07-22-2019 15:42 by Remy Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I was a kid, selfies used to be called narcissism.
←Rate | 06-17-2019 11:06 by Moon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sorry for writing "Everyone makes mistakes" in your wedding guestbook.
←Rate | 07-12-2019 14:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I bet the hardest part of being a server is having to wait until people's mouths are full before asking them how the food is.
←Rate | 07-10-2019 13:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Silver Lining: A 350 credit score prevents Identity theft! just saying
←Rate | 11-10-2018 22:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Somebody clearly missed the opportunity of a lifetime when they called the game Mario Kart instead of Mario Speedwagon.
←Rate | 02-26-2019 11:04 by HotTea Comments (0)  


   messageicon Restaurant toilets are so dangerous. So many of my dates have gone there and never some back.
←Rate | 07-12-2019 09:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don’t like the term “dad bod”. I prefer “father figure”
←Rate | 07-12-2019 22:18 by PosterBoy Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Goodbye, everyone. I'll remember you all in therapy." -Me, leaving a family reunion.
←Rate | 09-28-2017 08:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you work hard, save your money, go out and buy that expensive thing you've always wanted, then your lazy friend says "Must be nice."
←Rate | 02-26-2019 06:42 Comments (2)  


   messageicon Why do recipes say to "preheat oven?" Shouldn't it just be "heat oven?"
←Rate | 02-21-2019 11:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. " Mark Twain.
←Rate | 05-19-2018 23:37 by Mark.Twain Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Don't Kid Yourself" would be a great advertising slogan for a condom company.
←Rate | 06-18-2018 08:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon No one has more to say than a woman who says she doesn't want to talk about it.
←Rate | 09-19-2018 08:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon As a parent you always worry that you want to raise your children to be productive members of society......and then you go to Walmart.
←Rate | 01-19-2018 17:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wildlife Fact: In the wild, otters can go for days without checking their phones
←Rate | 03-10-2018 09:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've always wanted to lay naked on a bear skin rug in front of a fireplace. Unfortunately, Cracker Barrel has a policy against this.
←Rate | 11-10-2018 10:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Remix to conviction.. hot and ready for prison..R. Kelly
←Rate | 02-23-2019 05:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Area 51 is where they keep the working McDonalds iced cream machine.
←Rate | 07-19-2019 18:06 Comments (0)  




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