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My 2013 resolution is for everyone else to gain 50 pounds. 
found out through fb hockey is back... I never knew it was gone
Life Fact #37: it's impossible to have a bad day when you're wearing 'Hello Kitty' underpants ツ
Getting a guy to walk me home and then stabbing him will never get old.
There are three stages of a man's life: He believes in Santa Claus, he doesn't believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus.
Dos Equis: Death once had a "near him" experience.
Dear Lord please help me be strong enough not to share my political views on Facebook so I do not offend half the people I know. Amen. There I said it. Go Broncos!!!!
Don't get my attitude confused with my personality. My personality is who I am, my attitude depends on who you are.
I love spending money as much as my government does.
So they legalize marijuana and then get rid of Twinkies? Is our government playing some kind of cruel joke on us?
Depressed from all the bad news? Just imagine Ozzy Osbourne struggling to pour a giant jar of change into a Coinstar.
My 2yo is super bossy. He is telling everyone what to do. Oh I gotta go he said I have to get off the computer...
yo, people that drive 10 mph under the speed limit 'cuz there's a cop behind you. stop it. you ain't gettin' free donuts or anything...
did you know racecar spelled backwards is racecar
ohhh I have 2 headaches, and being a guy I can only supply enough blood to one of them..... sigh
Just saw a Comercial were they made snuggies for dogs....What has the world come too?
Motorola is coming out with a new droid phone called the Kobe... conversely, they are also coming out with the Lebron phone too, except the only difference is it doesn't RING.
Look at your keyboard and I notice "U" & "I" are together... it's meant to be! Now look just beneath it... JK!
Sometimes I wonder... are Skittles really the color of the rainbow before you open the bag to sunlight?
When you die, they'll bury you face down, so that you can see where your going. 