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Do you think the Man in the Yellow Hat mentions George on his Internet dating profile?" 
No, really, I can't afford to be hungover tomorrow. I mean, unless you're buying, of course.
If its good, it's wonderful, if it's bad, it's experience...no regrets.
I think I smoked less before I quit smoking.
Life is like an FB friend list, people come into your life an present unlimited possibilities. What you do with them is up to you. Some you interact with. Some you don't . And some you say "Who the heck is this person and what are they doing in my life?
you be very careful out there today, we're at terror alert orange! Which means something might go down somewhere in some way at some point in time.
on a bus with his goldfish Gill, going to Lake Winnipesaukee to see Dr. Leo Marvin.
drives way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
Life is just defying death
she looked good from far,but when she got up close she was far from good.
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever."
I went to a restaurant today and there was a big sign ---> "Employees caught speaking Spanish will be paid in Pesos."
It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
I refuse to jump on the ‘I hate Mondays’ bandwagon. I hate all workdays equally..
Whenever you are having a bad day, keep in mind someone's favorite Batman was George Clooney.
I wish I'd say "Yes" to an aisle seat. Now I'm at the window, drunk and in charge of the emergency door. In case of emergency, climb over me.
if you own a body shop and it's not called "Auto Correct", then what's the point?
Pokemon Go is already more popular than Tinder, another app where you swipe to find monsters in your area.
How long after shaking my money-maker should I expect a check?
Sometimes when life closes one door it opens another, because apparently life is trying to air condition the whole damned neighborhood. 