Funny Status Messages

   I'm playing hide and seek with the kids right now and they'll never find me, because they aren't old enough to drive or get into this bar.

   So after watching the hilarious interview I feel closer to Charlie Sheen because have a lot in common. Tiger blood and Adonis DNA..

   I'm like a cold-cut of amazing sandwiched between two pieces of awesome! Charlie Sheen 2011

   That awkward moment when someone you don't like sends you a friend request, then you decline. Then they send another one.

   word of the day: Dictate. You can use it in a sentence like "My girfriend says my dictate good"

   Women have to shave our armpits. Whose idea was that? That's a concave area with a straight razor. The best I can do is a mohawk.

   Bree Olson and company, dont go thinking you all are something special....Even Hugh Hefner went through " GODDSSES " like toilet paper...im just sayin!!!

   Even after watching the interview tonight Charlie Manson was thinking "This boy has lost his mind!"

   20/20, Piers Morgan, Howard Stern........ I think the only show Charlie Sheen hasn't been on in the past three days is Two And A Half Men!

   feeling the after b-day fb blues ...there's only 1 post from a friend on my wall..and it's farmville..

   Wondering if the next Charlie Sheens tv show will be called "Two And A Half Grams."

   tired of trying to be perfect, and has decided instead to try to just be herself, in hopes that one day, just maybe, that will be enough. Besides, everyone else is already taken.

   it me or does everyone get sick of pancakes by the time you are done eating them...

   waiting for Charlie Sheen to start jumping on the chair/couch and start going nuts like Tom Cruise did on Oprah!!!!!!

   GOING TO WIN THE 50 MILLION ON LOTTO-MAX.... AND I'm GONNA BUY FACEBOOK. THEN RETURNING IT BACK TO THE WAY IT USE TO BE..... FUN AND LESS CONFUSING AND ALLOWING ITS USERS TO CUSTOMIZE IT THE WAY THEY WANT IT!!!!!

   Somewhere out there, someone's grandma's recipe for dill bread reads "... allow dill dough to rise".

   I want to be " Bill Gates, where is that money you owe me" rich!

   When your body is sore, Exercise your mind.

   Always keep several Get Well cards on the mantel. If unexpected guests arrive, they'll think you've been sick and unable to clean.

   I can no longer "drop it like it's hot", so I "squat like it's warm".