Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
Sometimes I talked to myself because I need expert advice. 
I hope Mexico doesn't raise the cost of Tequila to pay for this wall.
Wife : Even if you cheated on me, I wouldn't leave you. Me : Really? Wife : Yes. Why would I reward you for cheating?
Hey Dems, send Jill Stein your money. She's doing a recount of the Super Bowl.
If I saved money as much as I saved porn , I'd be rich.
Pandora's problem was that she didn't think outside the box.
Does anyone know how to cancel a bid on eBay? I just bid on a Mickey Mouse Outfit and now I'm 10 minutes away from owning the Dallas Cowboys.
How do they explain this to the authorities? Me, at the end of every horror movie
does eating tide pods take skid marks out of underwear...Asking for a friend
I don't see anything wrong with a kidnapping. If a kid wants to take a nap, let them.
I'm glad for Justin Beiber and conrats to him on his new "unplugged" show. Personally I think every pop stars' act seems more relaxed and genuine once their b utt pl ug is removed.
The only 2 things that I love and enjoy about being an adult is having sex and drinking alcohol.
I am so dumb, I put lipstick on my forehead to make up my mind.
If I had a horse in the Kentucky Derby, his name would be... How-Much-Wood-Could-A-Woodchuck-Chuck-If-A-Woodchuck-Could-Chuck-Wood .
Why is Peter Pan always flying? Because he neverlands.
My wife jabbers so much that when we go to the beach, she has to put suntan lotion on her tongue.
Confuius said "Never check the depth of water with both feet."
Trick your friends into thinking you are a professional tennis player By wiping your face with a towel every 30 seconds And throwing it at a child.
Jehovah's witnesses don't celebrate Halloween. I guess they don't appreciate random people coming up to their doors..
Anyone want some staples? Hold your hands out!..[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[ [[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[....enough? 