Funny Status Messages

   USPS: Never mail cash or valuables. Dems: The USPS is safe and secure.

   Why does sour cream have an expiry date?

   I'm not buying a 2021 calendar until I see the trailer. Not gonna get me again

   Betcha Slick Willie Brown has Kamala nude pics on cell phone

   I never thought I’d reach a point in my life where my hands have consumed more alcohol than my mouth.

   I didn't hit you... I high fived your face

   If Kamala is such a ho, why can't I find any nude pics of her on the internet, unlike a certain someone I know?

   "How about a scarf?" - Johnny Depp's stylist every day!

   Based on the amount of laundry I do, I'm pretty sure there are people living here that I haven't met yet...

   Bought some prescribe pills to improve my memory. But I keep forgetting to take them.

   They should change the name of Facebook to “whineonline”

   If we don't stop socializing to slow the Coronavirus we need to start thinking about what kind of world will leave behind for Keith Richards.

   The further a society drifts from the truth, The more it will hate those who speak it...

   I bought a Swanson's Hungry Man TV dinner. I guess that would be enough if the Hungry man was a starving Ethiopian.

   Coronavirus task force, "If someone dies with COVID-19 we are counting that as a COVID-19 death."

   I was at a restaurant tonight & I saw the "caution wet floor" sign. I wonder how blind people know. those signs don't have braille

   How many instruments must you be terrible at before you start playing the triangle?

   If you love a socialite set them free, if they come back to you be careful as they might have been Coronavirus.

   I'm so old I remember when the UPS guy used to throw package on my porch and run away for no reason.

   To end the coin storage let us all join together as a nation and dig into our couch cushions where we all should be sitting to help end the Coronavirus.