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converting oxygen into carbon dioxide...come to think of it...so are you!!! GREAT LUNGS THINK ALIKE! 
So much time and so little to do. Wait a minute. Strike that. Reverse it.
I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
Don't let someone become your everything, because when they're gone you have nothing!!!!!
In small towns like this you might as well live it up, cause you sure as hell won't be living anything down
The first step to causing drama is making sure you tell everyone you hate drama.
When I was young I took drugs to blow my mind. Now I take drugs not to lose it.
Musical Electric Chairs. For death row inmates. Lets make it fun and televise it. . .
Big moment here: I just finished building that gingerbread house for the holidays.
World population :7,618,921,693. .... Just in case someone starts feeling too important
My wife and I got one of those board games for couples to spice things up. It quickly turned into a game of Sorry, which led to me playing a game of Uno
Burned almost a thousand calories with the treadmill today. Moved it into the basement, that sucker is heavy!
One day you'll just be a memory. So make it a good one.
Scientist have now cloned monkeys. Next on the Primate ladder before they reach humans- Politicians.
I hate brushing teeth at night because that signifies that you can't have anymore food and I'm just never ready for that kind of commitment
They call it a "selfie" because a "narcissitie" is too hard to pronounce
Her: Just relax and be yourself. Me: No, you're going to have to pick one or the other.
I may be delusional, but I am facing it realistically
Insanity is not doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. That's called practice.
How did human beings express empathy before the phrase "that sucks" was coined? 