Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   If it ain't broke, ask it for five dollars.

   "I drive like lightening." "You drive fast?" "No. I hit trees."

   girls are like square roots. If they're under 15 you just do them in your head

   a nite with me is like giving a gun to a 6yr old...you don't know how its gonna end, but you know it's gonna make the papers!

   a pant-busting crush on you.

   Happy bday beyonce the only singer to b almost 30 nd not pregnant

   Heigh ho! Heigh ho! It's Off to the Bar I go.."

   If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

   Never buy a car you can't push.

   had four E's and LSD last night, Such an awful start to a game of scrabble!!

   I can stop a speeding bullet. Once.

   Ok ladies, a night with me will give you examples for your future daughters of what kind of guy to watch out for, but in the meantime, it will give you one hell of a story to tell your girlfriends!

   wants a Web redemption

   Life is like a roller coaster. Sometimes you close your eyes and hold on in shear terror and other times you just have to throw your hands up in the air and enjoy the ride.

   proud of himself. He finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said 2-4 years :D

   NOTE TO SELF: Remember not to post about my personal life on FaceBook. And don't forget to pick up condoms for my date with whats her name..........

   Labor Day marks the beginning of the NFL and college football seasons. Nascar holds the Southern 500. Labor Day marks the last days of Summer. In 2010, the Holiday was cancelled because too many people couldn't remember what it meant to have a job :)

   Allergies: Nature's way of saying, "I know you're not sick, but I want you to feel like you are anyway!"

   Whenever I worry that I've been wasting my life, I cheer myself up by remembering that I have never read a Twilight book.

   Ever worry that the sensor on the back of an automatic toilet is actually a little video camera?