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I'm so glad I don't have to hunt for my own food. I don't even know where sandwiches live 
Ladies, If a guy mutes the volume during the Super Bowl when you sit down next to him, you need to do one thing. Marry him.
I just pressed the Popcorn setting for defrosting on my microwave and it said "wrong button".
Just remember Satan worshipers, he got his a$$ kicked by some Georgia redneck...
I'd tell you guys a joke about chemistry but I know It wouldn't get a reaction and I would tell you a joke about a pencil but its pointless and my joke about leaches sucks and I have a feeling I might have told you the one about Deja vu before, so never m
ME: I miss you KIDNAPPER: Look. I got the ransom money, your family got you back. It's done. Stop calling me.
Lower my gluten intake the doctor said. Over my bread body!
looking at pictures of your girl friend on facebook:P
wandering around the neighborhood wearing nothing but bells on his nipples
the swine flu. damn you porky pig.
the wizzard of ahhhs
got 2 be better than Jack Bauer. He got scared half to death TWICE and still lived!
sometimes the truth hurts. And sometimes it feels real good - just like now :)
turning into a werewolf ...........Grrrrrr...
flossing her teeth and typing this with her toes
..60% of the time...it works everytime.
"Arsene has brought us success, beautiful football and the glorious Thierry Henry. But if the Adebayor deal falls through, I swear I'll rip his cock out through his nose."
Mr. Solo Dolo.
10 feet tall, weighs 500lbs, breathes fire and can take a shot gun blast standing
even if it kills me, i'm still gonna smile! 