Funny Status Messages

   When she grabs your booty and whispers, “thick a$$-niggggaa imma get you pregnant.”

   If I say I’ll be there in a few minutes, stop calling me every hour.

   Pro Tip: If you drink enough beer, your Tinder date starts to look like their profile picture.

   Biden: No more gas stoves!

   We used to pay for ringtones, but now if your phone makes any noise, you’re 100 years old.

   If you're in a restaurant waiting for the waiter, aren't you the waiter?

   Clicked on a strange message and now it burns when I pee.

   Stop killing mountains to make Mountain Dew!

   Million Dollar Idea: Dinosaur Chicken Nuggets that may cause drowsiness.

   You’re not bipolar, you’re just two stupid bi!ches in one.

   Let me get this straight, we can send 40 billion to eastern Europe, but Elon Musk buying Twitter for 40 billion could have solved world hunger?

   Corn Pop beat Joe Biden with a chain, c’mon man.

   The first symptom of Covid-19 is believing everything the media says.

   When you click “accept cookies” but then you don’t get any cookies.

   Why did the man fall down the well? Because he couldn’t see that well.

   When you’re in love it’s the most glorious two and a half days of your life.

   What was the most positive result of the "Cash for Clunkers" program? ANSWER: It took 95% of the Obummer bumper stickers off the road

   When I see chocolate, I hear two voices in my head. One says, “eat the chocolate.” The other says, “you heard me right, eat it.”

   Back in 5 minutes ~ if not, read this again.

   Global warming won't kill us. The zombie apocalypse is a different story.