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Next time your in a car with someone who doesnt like your driving, wait till they're quiet and swerve on the road, then just normally say, "Ah, stupid ghost cars.." 
Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby? They named him "Sum Ting Wong".
Give Tiger a break. Obama is screwing the WHOLE country!
Love is a name, Sex is a game. Forget the name and lets play that game!
bumped into this cat at the gas station this morning getting coffee and he told me "Asalamalakum." I told him "I also like the Lakers!"
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wondering why people who work at Tim Hortons are SLOW? I mean come on are you that screwed up in which you actually have to ask someone if they "would like a tray" for those 5 coffees they ordered. Use your brain people!!!
Breaking News: Jesus being charged with manslaughter after Oklahoma woman let him take the wheel resulting in a head on collision.
COP: Do you know why I pulled you over?... ME: Cause you got beat up in High School??.. COP: ???... ME: Cause you got beat up in High School,,, Sir?
Q-What do you call a mexican on a riding lawnmower? A-Promoted
The Gaga Law: (RAH)^2 (AH)^3 + RO(MA+MAA) + (GA)^2+OOH(LA)^2 = BAD ROMANCE
Its only when you get to know some of these people who smoke that you realise that Cancer can sometimes be a solution not a problem.
your father smells of elder berries
I drew a gun. He drew a gun. I drew another gun. Soon we were surrounded by lovely drawings of guns.
If you ain't never been to the Suburbs; Don't ever come to the Suburbs.... 'Cause you wouldn't understand the Suburbs... So stay the F@#% out of the Suburbs!!!
Whats Brown and hides in the attic? The diarhea of Ann Frank!
Every notice Bl acks are too good to eat a Buger King but they are good enough to get off the interstate come in make a mess of the restroom and leave.
Her: Do you think I'm pretty? Me: Honey, I lick you where babies come out...thats how much pretty I think you are.
You know the difference between Martha Stewart and Snoop Dogg? Martha Stewart is a convicted felon.
My favorite part of sex is right at the beginning when you lift up the tail. 