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Yes, it's Sunday and the weekend is almost over, as time flies when your having fun...I suggest doing something really boring all day long to stretch it out until midnight! 
ive started drinking raw milk. no homo
I got 98,998 problems, and rounding up numbers is one of them.
More people would drink responsibly if there was a brand of vodka named Responsibly.
that Magic Mike movie makess me feel so hot! I want that!!
Your so beautiful I can see you in 3D, yep thats my room number
there such a thing as a Corned Beef and Cabbage Calzone?
A woman drove me to drink, and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
There is going to be no easy way to tell my GF that I'm leaving her. Mainly as she's deaf and I don't know sign language.
I fear your addiction to attention and instant gratification is distracting you from the praise-worthy stuff I'm doing.
I don't understand why Aardvarks are so special to the Muslims in the middle east.
Ultimate D**k move would be Bill Gates buying all the possible mega million combos. Theres only 176 million of them and he'd double his money unless there were other winners.
Scientists in Southampton claim to have created a wonder drug for period pain........... Personally, I use earplugs.
nothing says happy Easter Jesus like going to a Wal Mart
I want an app. that tells me if my post sucked,, or my timing did.
Miley Cyrus' real name is Destiny??? Know we know why she was so good on that pole at the Kids Choice Awards a couple years ago...
I just saw a commercial with Joan Rivers. Could her real face have been anywhere near as bad as that clown mask she had welded to the front of her head?
I know I am not the only one who stares at the stuff on the tissue after you blow your nose.
the weighing scales are crying "b*tch please! I ain't going to lie and go lower"
How do male civil unions not end with the phrase "I dude"? 