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George Washington was so ugly that someone said "maybe his monument should be a huge pole instead of his face" and everyone was like "yeah." 
Quitting Facebook is the adult way of running away from home. We all know you're doing just to get attention and we all know you will be back.
I wonder if sharks have people week.
Convicted Amy private Bradley Manning wants to live the rest of his life as a woman. At 5'2" and sporting that purdy little mouth, I doubt he's going to have a hard time being a woman while he's behind bars.
When blk ppl walk their dog it's a chore. When white folk wall their dog it's an expeditionary adventure that clears the intestinal tract.
Both George Zimmermans parents are hispan!c but he's wh!te, Obama's mother is wh!te but he's bl@ck-------Bl@ck people
So today Gays and Lesbians are going to chick-fil-a to kiss in protest of the company. I'm hoping to go to see Some hot lesbian action, but it will probably be a bunch of dudes sucking face. #DecsionsDecesions
Phrases i'll never understand... #72 - "Those two are in cahoots." WTH is cahoots and why does it take two???
In case you guys are wondering how screwed up my brain is... I saw a little girl at the store throwing her teddy bear up in the air saying, "he likes to get high" and all I could think was "don't we all sweetie."
Me: Can you believe that after all that crap they're still together!?! Friend: Who ? Me: My buttcheeks
Physician: One who can form complete sentences.
Damn. RIP Tony Soprano. *shuts screen off*
Gentlemen playing leapfrog are kindly requested to complete their leaps. - sign in a g@y nudi$t colony.
Ladies, if you're gonna catfish a dude, at least give him some head.
Casey Kasem found safe today in Washington state. Overheard nearby: "And we would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you darn kids."
If you don't like Star Wars puns, you R2 boring for me.
It was a Hoax, Now ugly, homely, disfigured people may return to eatting at KFC !!!
'for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until' you eat the last star crunch and pee on the toilet seat
my anaconda dont want none unless you got funds hun
Damn, two gorillas in one week... 