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What does Mario spend all those gold coins on? He has one outfit, travels by foot & lives in the sewer 
Order Food, Eat Food, Put on a MAGA Hat, get kicked out, don't pay
No one lives in Windmill Alley anymore. They all died of cancer.
can’t stop thinking about people that first ate mushrooms they found and just had to go through trial and error of like, this one tastes like beef, this one killed Brian immediately and this one makes you see God for a week
Do you know is not for some people smoking Marijuana the murder rate would be a lot higher than it is.. So get high and keep the murder rate low. . .
North Korea and China are pretty much going to do what they want, because Asian culture does not respect Russian puppets.
My toddler just demonstrated far superior negotiation skills than the President in talking his way into a cookie before dinner.
If you have a facebook page that features both you and your girl....you're a h0m0.
Seeing a spider is not a problem. It becomes a problem when you can no longer see it.
my son's Elmo doll just grabbed my junk. Can I get in on the lawsuits??
Roses are grey,,, Violets are grey,,, Friggin'-Woof. I HATE being a dog..
Perfect boyfriend : Does not drink, does not smoke, does not cheat and also Does not exist :P
if you do the crime then expect to do the time!!
Well, I watched the free fall but I couldn't even see him falling because his gigantic balls were in the way.
wearing Hugo cologne today like a boss.
Happy Mothers day to a mom who should have been an air traffic controller... ...I was grounded so often!
Was I supposed to put the stripper in the cake before or after I bake it?.. Either way,, I gotta hide this body.. It's starting to smell
Doctor: "In order to find out exactly what's wrong, you'll need to see the nurse and have a blood test." " Alright," I said, "How long will that take?" "About a week." he replied. "A week with your nurse sounds Ok" I said, "But how much damn
I wish people would stop phoning while I'm ironing. I keep burning my face.
More people saw Grown Ups 2 than Pacific Rim. This, plus the verdict, sums up America. 