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You kiss the end, then seductively lick the length without breaking eye contact as you place it in your mouth. I love the way you eat bacon. 
enough already we don’t love you at your that or at your this
The worst feeling in the world is when you hear someone with heels heading your direction, sounding like a real hot babe, only to find out its either some old hag or a guy with coowboy boots on
For all the lazy people Heinz has come out with Mayochup to put on your burgers. It's ketchup and mayonnaise in one squeeze bottle.
I baked you some cookies They’re in the garbage
I miss the days when a restaurant would tin foil wrap my leftovers into a swan or a boat or a hat to keep the NSA out of my brain.
My R&B playlist is dangerous. It almost guarantees pregnancy
The definition of surprise: a fart with a lump in it.
Someone gave me a free pen without their knowledge today. Well, I took a pen.
So I asked her “what is that alluring perfume you’re wearing “ and she says “OFF Mosquito repellent “ Gets me every time!
What business makes money by driving their customers away........ A taxi.
Guys, you'll really never know your woman untill you are married to her.
Petrichor, n. the smell of rain on dry earth
Ive made mistakes;been a mistake;met/been involved with some mistakes;learned from mistakes;will make other mistakes-I'm not perfect;but dont mistake me for an idiot.!!!
I always Google before reading directions to anything !
Proof that a level weirder than weirdness exists
Hey Osama, must suck when you wake up in Hell & realize those 70 virgins were not women after all, but 70 male virgins that are sooo ready to tear that ass up in Hell.
Hey Osama I hope you like guy's because I have 72 for you
This must be the has been edition of celebrity apprentice.
Decided to add upsets to my bracket this year. So far, I'm the only one that is upset. 