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What if they keep the name Redskins, but change the mascot to a potato.... 
Hmm,,, Voyager1 is 8.2 billion Miles from Earth & continues to send readings back to us.. and I can't get cellphone reception in my livingroom?
Just found a shopping list in this cart that said, "Beer, wine, crap like that", so aparently my soul mate is still out there.
Women often wonder why men drink so much. Well the answer is simple. If you're not going to make an effort to improve your appearance, someone has to.
woke up and thought his alarm clock was laughing out loud at him... Then I realized I was looking at it upside down, it was 7:07
For all of you out there you are so infatuated with Olympic Curling, be sure to check your local listings for the Paint Drying World Championships later this year.
You can become rich, achieve high social standing, hold multiple degrees, and still be an idiot.
What do you call an organic compound in which a hydroxyl is bound to a carbon atom of an alkyl?.........See, sometimes alcohol is the answer
I wish I had a theme song whenever I did something awesome.
Based on my current rate of income, I estimate a comfortable retirement about 200 years after my death.
I wonder whose stadium will be the first to play "Who let the dogs out" when Michael Vick plays.
Sometimes you feel like a million bucks..sometimes you feel like a foodstamp.
wondering how many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
A child is like a mosquito: when it stops making a noise,you know it's up to something.
Ran two miles. Ate two brownies. I regret nothing.
just read that NASA is doing a $10 million dollar study to see if there are any dangers in a woman suffering from PMS to have her mentstrual cycle in zero gravity.... Hell yeah there are dangers. In a weightless enviorment, the physco b!tches can FLY
My age? I'd rather not tell. Let's just say i'm somewhere between 25 and a Wal-Mart greeter.
tried to mail you something cute for christmas but the postoffice took the stamp off my butt and asked me to leave...
The worst feeling in the world is when you are in the middle of a good story and realize no one is listening to you.
If your relationship has more issues than a magazine stand then I suggest you cancel that subscription! 