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The reason Grilled Cheese Sandwiches and Tomato Soup are so popular is because they are the same basic ingredients as Pizza. 
Sixty percent of Americans ages 18-25 couldn't identify Col. Sanders in the KFC logo. In fact, more than half of respondents thought it was one of the band members of ZZ Top.
An average person farts 13 times a day......... finally!! I'm above average at something.
Most all husbands lie on their tax returns by listing them self as the head of household.
The circumference of a pumpkin divided by it's diameter = pumpkin pi...
"Wisdom doesn't come from age, wisdom comes from the things that you srewed up in your life."
Untill I got married, I never knew there was a wrong way to put the milk back into the fridge.
Have you ever felt completely calm cool and collected? Yeah, me neither.
trust : is to deal with snakes and to know they wont bite you
All I know is I wouldn't do so good in the wizarding world. Every time I encountered a goblin I'd instinctively punt it.
If the creators of Words with Friends took a peek at my score they would totally accept FUCT as a word.
If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning.
The law of heredity is that all undesirable traits come from the other parent.
I don't know how life is as a super hot chick. However, I have played a lot of video games and it must be similar to when you became invincible to everything in your path for 10 seconds. Just replace 10 seconds with "your entire life."
knows the muffin man.
If you don't talk to your cat about catnip.....who will?
believes : Early to bed,early to rise.....and your girl goes out with other guys.
wants to get his Chill in, but instead is getting his Hang on
The more you think about things, the weirder they seem. Take this milk. Why do we drink *cow* milk?? Who was the guy who first looked at a cow and said, "I think I'll drink whatever comes out of these things when I squeeze 'em.
Hang in there, retirement is only thirty years away! 