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Never trust anyone that is nice to you, but rude to the waiter. 
Don't you hate it when you get that one idiot that pollutes your entire post?
Dyslexics better do it.
Fact: rihanna's face is 74% forehead
I haven't posted "what's on my mind" since I "used my mind" and found a site that could do it for me (:
"Meet local singles here." No thanks randomly placed ad. I know local singles and there is a reason they are in fact single!
"There should be a body shop called Auto Correct."
never teach your 4 year old that she is big enough to stop using "baby" words - we are now sitting down to watch Winne The Sh!t
Woah.. the room is spinning.. I knew the world revolved around me.. ;)
I smashed my finger today, "just glad it wasn't my "Have a nice day" finger
Turkey✓, Stuffing✓, Mashed potatoes✓, Pumpkin pie✓.... Pajama Jeans to stuff my fat ass in: PRICELESS.
Next up on espn , womans soc... click.
Florida, you just want attention don't you? Casey Anthony, Tim Tebow, the election of 2000. Its always about you, isn't it?
*1 friend request* (250 mutual friends) “…I still don't know you ...
❒ Single ❒ Taken ✔ Shark Week
Just once in my life I want to kick someone out of my office by saying "I said good day sir!" I suppose I'd need an office first.
Space has 10 different dimensions, but we can only see 3. So the other 7 are a great place to hide your porn.
My girlfriend gave me three subtle hints about what she would like for her birthday: It begins with a 'D' It vibrates It's a girl's best friend I'm pretty certain I know exactly what she's getting at. A new dishwasher.
It is impossible to unscrew a blown light bulb and not shake it to make sure you hear little pieces bouncing around!! I've tried, I can't!!
When we set our clocks back, will that effect "Hammer Time"? 