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You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day. 
Go ahead 'like' my day!
I don't have A.D.D.. you're just boring me.
I feel like my co-workers are family. I don't like spending time with my family either.
Dead fish washed onto "Jersey Shore" cast's beach. The slimy, oft-horizontal twitching creatures say they feel bad for the fish....
I read where the main Ingredient of Viagra was Miracle Grow and Fit-A-Flat....
sometimes You'll blame a new love for things an old one did.
This is some bullish!t. My leg fell asleep before me... :(
annoying you with status updates for her own entertainment.
woke up really really really early today just to post on facebook "i've beaten my alarmclock today"
Having children makes you no more a parent than having a piano makes you a pianist.
"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has it's limits"
if I throw a stick will you leave
Every once in a while you should get a check up...on who your real friends are.
FYI: If someone says "I'm game," you can legally shoot them. You should probably check your state and local hunting regulations though...
Wisdom is proper use of knowledge.
n't it ironic that to be popular on social networks, you have to sacrifice your social life.
going to use this status as a letter to guys. If you use a picture of yourself without a shirt, "flexing" as your profile pic....You're officially a jackass.
Saw a huge yard that had a "Keep off the Grass" sign in the middle, & I wondered...How did they put it there?
thinking why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there? 