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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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Pros and cons of making kids. Pros: making, Cons: kids
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05-22-2022 03:41
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Son: “Dad, there’s a monster in my room, can I sleep in here?” Dad: Look, it’s you he’s after, why make it my problem too.
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06-09-2022 01:43
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My wife was sad, so I showed her my boobs. Apparently, that doesn’t work both ways.
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06-09-2022 01:44
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I just failed a captcha test 3 times in a row. I can’t believe this is how I’m finding out that I’m a robot.
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06-24-2022 00:51
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Someone just gave me half a peace sign, that’s weird.
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06-28-2022 23:43
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I have a crush on 28 of you, figure it out.
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06-28-2022 23:46
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I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.
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07-23-2022 23:26
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Mercury is in reverse cowgirl again.
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04-18-2022 21:50
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Cats have 32 muscles in each ear to help them ignore you.
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04-20-2022 02:03
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God Bless Rednecks! Merica!
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01-06-2023 01:23
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Teacher: “Today we will be talking about depressed people who share jokes all day as a coping mechanism.”
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01-08-2023 17:21
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Don’t know what makes you so stupid, but it REALLY works.
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07-07-2022 00:55
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I’m sorry for the things my face said while you were talking.
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05-27-2022 00:15
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When you pull up a power point presentation to show your cat how fat it is.
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06-08-2022 20:45
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If liar’s pants really did catch on fire, watching the news would be a lot more interesting.
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06-10-2022 01:41
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Studies show that cats understand human commands, but don’t care to follow them.
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06-10-2022 01:44
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I’m old enough to remember when paper bags were blamed for the destruction of trees and plastic bags were the solution.
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06-21-2022 22:43
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I make 6 figures, but the zeroes are in the front.
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04-19-2022 10:41
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You know how food is supposed to taste good? Let’s make it not like that. ~ The British
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04-20-2022 01:59
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Your guitar is out of tuna. ~ Cat
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04-20-2022 02:00
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