Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
Quick! Sign here ______, here ______ and on this side ______, done! I'll explain on our honeymoon. 
Dude, if you've never hit the brakes while your girl was putting on lipstick…we'll never be friends.
Why am I still up? No wait, better yet, why am I still sober?
Worse thing about having a couple ex's in group of friends. I always have to check the attending list on Facebook events before confirming.
Every time I found something to eat in the refrigerator, I feel like I found a treasure.
Someone needs to tell Dominique Strauss-Kahn that in this country bankers are only allowed to screw their customers.
It's great having a JOB that leaves me Just Over Broke.
Any closet is a walk-in closet if you try hard enough.
ending the night with green beer in a sippy cup!
A sunset is just a beautiful way of reminding you of all the stuff you didn't get done today.
Once they stop talking to you, they start talking about you.
We are the WTF generation : Wikipedia, Twitter and Facebook.
Bill Gates is telling everyone what to do about the virus but he can't even stop windows from getting a virus...
A lot of people do not realize thats the actor who played Wilson in Castaway is the same actor from the volleyball scene in Top Gun.
My cat would like you to know that no dragon has ever attacked me whilst sitting on the toilet. And she plans on keeping it that way.
Saw a sign in the bus station today, it said ‘One bus takes 35 cars off the road’ personally I think it depends how aggressive the driver is…
When I was a teenager, there was only one phone app. It was called the "dial tone."
If you don't know who George Soros is, or who Saul Alinsky was and what Cloward-Piven means, Do America a favor and either educate yourself or DO NOT Vote.
I wanted a candy bar but instead I did the right thing and ate an apple, with some walnuts and caramel topping.
Saw a woman pushing her dressed up cat in a stroller. When are we going to take mental health seriously in this country? 