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stuck in an elevator with steve tyler from airosmith and is quite scared. 
how do you know that a man has a high sperm count?......you have to chew before you can swallow.
bringing sexy back... to the store, for a refund!
doesn't want a piece of cake, but the whole bloody bakery!
decided that hes going to walk around with a cloth on his face and see if people assume that he just got plastic surgey or hes lady gaga
i would like hippes to realize that it is NOT "all good."
Will too much skin lightening cream turn you invisible?
When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. Then start swinging. Make it hard for them to hit a moving target.
voices!!!! screamin in my head dont lead the path that I tread!
Some people should shove sticks up their a*ses like lollipops cause they are nothing but f**king suckers!
You can get your appetite elsewhere, as long as you eat at home.
Blackouts are God's way of saying, "WTF, even I don't want to remember last night!"
Sober is the new BUZZ!!
'Wish you would jump off from that ledge my friend, You could cut ties with all the lies that youve been living in' I would understand!!
Updating your status at the gym burns a lot of calories.
Everyone around me Getting Married OR Pregnant, But am getting DRUNK!
I didn't realize Toyota was so LGBT friendly, but apparently the Tundra comes with an aluminum tranny.
just made a Peanut Butter sandwich with some cashews. It was nuts
Prove that lightning isn't wizards fighting. You can't.
i wonder if Bruce Wayne calls it his "batman cave" or his "bat 'man cave' " 