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having my phone number is like having a direct line to God, But better, because I answer.. . 
Men are from Mars,, Women are from Venus,, Then gays are definely from ???
Barbie has an awful lot of nice things for a girl whose knees do not bend.
Jesus said in the Bible that it was much easier for children to get into heaven than adults. What priests want in heaven, they get in heaven.
The US president should have lead the country today in a moment of PRAYER; then out of respect for the 6 people who lost their lives and the 19 people wounded, the non-believers could have exercised their right to SILENCE.
browsing my facebook friends naked.
I went to the docs the other day. He told me to stop eating so many eggs. I said " Why? Is my cholestorol that high?" . He said "No but your farts are absolutely f *cking rank!!"
It's ok to crack your knuckles, just don't knuckle your crack
Dr. just told me I have cancer and alzhiemers....atleast I dont have cancer
Forgive me father, for I have sinned. It's been two weeks since my last confession. Smell my finger.
No sport in this lifetime has ever brought the world together as football... You know, the real kind, not the overcommercialized self nominated world championship superbowl.... FUTBOL!!
justin bieber said he was having a baby. Usher was like OMG. Katy Perry set off fireworks. Bruno Mars thoght they were grenades. Eminem was like I'm not afraid. Jason Derulo said Whatcha Say? Then Nelly said it was only just a dream.
Panty lines are so nasty, your a grown a$s woman sh!t put on a thong, g-string, boy shorts, or go panty less if you have too
Fellas; Don't just rush to hit it. Take time to know her, then you'll know how to love her emotionally and physically.
if Rambo had a gay son would his name be Rambutt?
When a woman dies, God asks the angels “Was she married?' If the answer is 'yes', He says 'Take her to heaven she's been through hell already"
...Broken nose, bust lip, teeth knocked, black eye..but she started it so f**k her
a friend on facebook whose status says "Suicidal - Standing on the edge of a cliff"....So I poked him...
no wonder the yanks have their own so called "american football" coz they don't know how to play the real football..
What's the deal with deaf people? Like, Hello? 