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OMG........ just got pull over by Mt. View PD guess I was going 85 in a 65. The officer ask me "Do you know how fast you were driving". I said "NO my car thought it was a Toyota Prius" 
Each Day we wake up and go about our daily business, the majority of us live oblivious to the seriousness of just how bad BP has really hurt all of us with their ongoing leak in the Gulf
- If the camera lens is round, why is the picture rectangular?
Guys have two heads. They cannot use them both at the same time!
...Tila Tequila denies sex tape rumors. Good. When most Asians talk about doggie-style it usually means how they want their dinner prepared!
I heard the weatherman say to watch out for "black Ice"...I think that terminology is terribly offensive...should be "Ice that you cannot see, ice" or "Watermelon ice"...
Did you hear about the new magazine for married men published by Playboy? It has the same pictures month after month after month after month after month....
I'm Dyslexic when I hate it
When I was in high school I was suspended for fingering a girl behind the bike shed. Now my son is in junior school and history is repeating itself. I've been arrested this time though.
People that are against smoking pot are the ones that need it the most..
39. If I was a woman, I'd never leave the house. Unless, of course, I was finished cleaning and had permission.
What do you call a group of epileptics in a bowl? Seizure Salad!
The opinion of one is the opinion of all........
you know its cold outside when you go outside and its cold
Has anyone ever completed a round of anti-biotics?
rain rain go away, thats what all my haters say
What do Gas prices and Charlie Sheen have in common? They both are winning.
I love Fig Newtons. Yes, You might say i'm a "FIGGIT".
I'm at the Dentist. He looks in my mouth and says, "Holy smoke! That's the biggest cavity I've ever seen! That's the biggest cavity I've ever seen!" I said, "I heard you the first time, Doc, sheesh." He goes, "That was an echo."
Breaking news!! Biden overheard telling Dr Jill, that Executive Orders were like Lay's potato chips. He stated "They're so good, no one, can sign just one". 