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secretly replaced the Parmesan cheese shaker with a used Pedi-Egg.... will her guests be able to tell the difference? 
If I was an MMA fighter and had cauliflower ear, I'd seriously consider cutting my ears off.
its Wednesday...How about a mercy hump?
making sure he doesn't drink and drive. He might spill his beer.
was born in the state of confusion and is living in denial.
thinks the universe is a waste of space..
Wile E. Coyote, Super Genius
hates allergy season!!! currently OD'ing on Allegra
now that the last wish from Icelands deceased economy was: Spread the ash out over Europe.
On the one hand, we'll never experience childbirth. On the other hand, we can open all our own jars.
What did the blonde get on the I.Q. test? Nail varnish.
would like to thank everyone in this world that has ever screwed me over! You may be proud of yourself but, all in all, it will and, it has made me the strong woman that I am today! thank you
Not sure which one of you sent them...but the men in the little white coats left empty handed...again....better luck next time....
was driving past the woods today and saw a group of bird watchers, so I flipped them the bird.
Woman laid in tomb may soon become mummy.
vampires in twilight is pale white ,, how come laurent is black ??
Nothings worse than Single BicheZ talkin bout they Wife Material.. Thats like saying you Management material but Unemployed!
It's been so long since I bought groceries, this morning I saw a cockroach move out. "Good luck," he sighed, clutching his tiny suitcases.
You know how when a guy pees and at the end he shakes his thing to get the last drop out? Well, that's how much gas I got for $2.00.
BELIEVE IN Yourself if you don't no one else will.! 