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Son, when I was your age, our video game were Big dots eating little dots while being chase by others dots who ran when my dot ate a special dot.... 
wonders Why is it ok for a Gay man to change in a Men's Locker Room but, it's Not ok for a Straight man to change in a Women's Locker Room?
Here's a question: You ever wonder how many REAL friends you had before the whole Facebook, Myspace, & Twitter thing came into existence?.......You're wondering now.
I've got a time machine. I get in and it takes me seven hours into the future. I call it......a bed.
I don't think I'll ever reach the age where I'm old enough to know better.
As a young child my mom told me I could be anybody I wanted to be. Turns out the police call it identity theft.
The problem with new year's resolutions is that people aim to high, start small like..."I'm not going to fart in church."
just watched 'Marley and Me'... Sad movie. I won't give it away but lets just say the sequel will just be called... 'Me'.
I am so happy to hear that curiousity killed the cat. For a while, I was the only suspect..
I have Started a band called "Free Beer" because when people see a sign that says "Free Beer Tomorrow at 9PM" everyone is going to be there
I know it's the 100th year anniversary of Titanic and all that but aren't the Italians going a bit far with their tribute?
If you watch Godzilla backwards its about a dinosaur who passionately pieces a city back together before moonwalking into the sea.
FACT: Relationships last longer when everybody doesnt know your business
People who take pictures of them with tons of money and post them on Facebook…………. have no money.
The three most read words in the world: I̶ ̶L̶o̶v̶e̶ ̶Y̶o̶u̶ …NO! It's: “Made in China.”
I don't mind people sneezing in public. It's that "Pre-sneeze face" they make that scares the hell out of me.
I had to go on two diets because one wasn't giving me enough food.
This tag on my panties has been tickling my ass all morning, I was gonna cut it off but I'm lonely
Irony: Getting a girl pregnant on a "pull out" couch.
I love the word "Allegedly". You can make up anything about anyone without any reprisal... allegedly. 