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Right now there's a guy at the gym cleaning out Davy Jones' locker. 
Last night I brought this woman back from the bar and couldn't get it up. I looked at her and all I could say was; sorry, no hard feelings.
I used to work in a factory crushing cans. I hated it! It was soda pressing.
When someone ends their posts with "just sayin" I would love to smack the sh!t out of them and poke their eyeballs out with an ice pick....other than that I am having a great day!!
obviously all these people hatin on Occupy wall street HAVE a job.
In a lesbian relationship who makes the sandwich? Neither they both eat out.
It's just another Maniac Monday, wish it was Sunday 'cause that's my fun day!
aww, I feel really bad, I was sitting in the club havn a drink with some friends and a random girl tried chatting me up, all I said to her was ''would you like some face with your make up''....haha was funny though! Oi cake face!! Haha
"Gaga" = A Form Of Dodge Ball ..... Lady Gaga = Lesbian ..... Lesbian = Literally Dodges Balls ... Coincedence ? ... I think Not !
considered atheism, but there weren't enough holidays.
When I'm a billionaire, I will use cats instead of toilet paper.
Justin Bieber, why you no die drag racing like Paul Walker?
If someone can explain to me how stealing and destroying is a panacea for easing racial tensions, I'm all ears.
How the hell do Edward Scissorhands And Freddy Kruger wipe their a@@?
What is the difference between a woman and a magnet? Magnets have a positive side!
Dear God, If the world is going to end on Saturday, please accept my request for forgiveness for what I am about to do on Friday. Sincerely, Your Number One Fan
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I wonder how many times Jesus ran out of the room crying and screaming “You’re not even my real dad, Joseph.”
I forgot who treyvon martin is already, please dont ruin my KFC's and Popeyes.
OK Apparntely it's "Illeagal" to cover yourself with blue body paint and put on a pair of smiley face boxers and walk around Walmart claiming to be a giant bag on Halloween! 