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got a call this morning at 5:30 and found out I won the Nobel Peace Prize because I thought peace sounded like a good idea. I turned them down becuase I hadn't done anything to win it. Anyone here who the runner up was? 
if I ever see an amputee getting hanged, I will just start calling out letters
It looks like the same people who hate science are also hating math now.
If society continues on its present course, the future won't be like The Jetsons. It will be like The Flintstones.
Do you know what it feels like when you have to pee really bad? Well in that case feel this, I'm not totally sure I do...
a suicide bomber. Suicide bomber training: Now watch carefull, because I'm only going to show you this once.
HEY, !!!!!!!! -------------> ┌∩┐(◣_◢)┌∩┐
Big decision, watching the World Cup vs watching paint dry. Watching paint dry wins!
It's so cold out that I now have 2 bb's and a tick tack
Religion is like tequila; relatively harmless, but excessive quantities will make you do stupid things.
I have a v@gina. I don't have to make sense.
what do a pizza delivery guy and male gynecologist have in common? They can SMELL it, but they can't EAT it lol
Android > BlackBerry > Nokia > Fax > Land phone > 2 cans and a string > Message in a bottle > Pigeon with a note taped to it > iPhone with iOS 6
Don't blame the guns. A killer has a wide selection of tools to kill with. Control killers not guns.
Kamala has had more politicians in her than the White House, the Capitol and the Lincoln Memorial combined.
We need to stop looking at our country in terms of right and left, yet instead focus on right and wrong.
I put my facebook in her twitter then she was youtubing my google and I was going yahoo.
Heaven doesn't want me & Hells just afraid i'll take over!!
Ok Northerners, stop criticizing how we handle snow & ice. It is very rare down here. You know kinda like winning a BCS National Championship up there
Actually Japan lost lots of lives on 3-11-11. Remember they are a day ahead of us. So no it's not an coincidence. Your not scaring anyone. Go to bed and stop tripping out ;-) 