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I have beaten so many Japanese people tonight on Mario Kart Wii that they are going to start referring to me as Godzilla 
A slut can't count to 70 because her mouth is full at 69
sex is my favorite sport
doesnt get it...Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
The sincerest form of flattery is a steamroller
Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn't last long for fat people.
This girl I know is having a baby shower at McDonallds hahahahah this isn't a joke....I wish it was but it's not
Marijuana: The reason man discovered fire
Roses are red, violets are blue. I hate rhyming. PENlS.
"Canadians are so polite" - people who have obviously never been to Canada
M.A.G.A: My Attorney Got Arrested
PRO TIP: You Can't be under FBI investigation if there's no FBI Director.
"Sometimes you just need a car ride to clear your head." — John. F. Kennedy
Due to social correctness, BIack Sabbath will now be called, "A Dark Shade Of The Day Of Rest."
Whats the similarity between Men and Rats? They all run around looking for Holes
hates the KKK as much as anyone... but it is kinda neat that they introduced "hoodies" to American fashion.
Justin Bieber the only daughter that Mr. & Mrs. Bieber have?
went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
Definition of "irony" getting pregnant on a pull-out couch
I'm going to name my first two children George and Trayvon and make them share a bag a Skittles. Its my little way of fighting racism. 