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So you discovered your best angle when you take pictures... You lil model you, hardly recognized you! In real life! 
I know 3 facts about you: 1.You can't say ‘M' without your lips touching. 2.You're trying it now looking like an idiot. 3.Now you're smiling.
The morbidly obese make the best roll models.
This Crest 3d whitening toothpaste didn't come with the glasses.
Instead of Hooters, they should call it "Flat-Chesters."
before you post a tready status update about something like..I don't know....11:11 on 11/11/11 look to see if other people posted about it. If they did, its not original and don't bother.
I do because I can. I will because I am able. I give because I've been given. Just a few reasons I love to 69. ;)
everybody was working tonight, so I was forced to go to dinner with my parents! but wait, thats not the worst part. Upon arrival, they informed me that they would be drinking and only brought me to drive them home! fml
The man on a date always wonders if he'll get lucky but te woman already knows
I checked out a dating site. That famous "ugly stick" sure has been busy.
Who needs a ladder, when you have a chair...and some toes.
Heigh ho! Heigh ho! It's Off to the Bar I go.."
stephen hawking may be a genius, but he is not setting much of an example to kids by just sitting at his computer all day
I'm 31 years old and never married. How come it seems like every married person I know wishes their marriage license has an expiration date?
still has a crush on Winnie Cooper.
When i'm good, i'm good. When i'm BAD, i'm the best!!!
How do I always end up stalking people on Facebook that I don't even know...
thinks Mondays should be banned from the calendar.
decided to live forever ..................... or die in the attempt.
Hangovers: the wrath of grapes. 