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Shark Week is so much better that Shart Week! 
■The dollar store needs to go ahead and open up a few gas stations.
Instead of calling it a "Gatorade Shower" we should call it "Electrolyte Bukkake"
not interest in Greys Anatomy, thank you...
I invented a new sexual position called "The Republican" where I screw poor people.
Ladies, do you know why God gives you yeast infections?? So you know what it feels like to live with an irritating c@nt also!
101,539 deaths vs. 2993 deaths ... I think we won...
just saw peanut walk into a police station to make a complaint claiming it was a salted.
You b*tch about the taste, but trust me when I tell you that we get the short end of the stick in flavor country.
Safe sex is great sex, better wear a latex 'cause you don't want that late text "I think I'm late" text
If drugs aren't allowed in sports then why is makeup allowed in beauty contests?
If the Lord is always with me, that dude's sat through a lot of jacking off.
Apparently one in ten people in the UK live next to a paedophile. Not me, I live next to two gorgeous 13 year olds
2 + 2 = Fish. 3 + 3 = Eight. 7 + 7 = Triangle. LIKE if you get it!!!!
Here's To The Kids Who are losing their will to keep fighting. Stay Strong.
69… you get what you give!
Judging by the fact that you wear Crocs, there is no way I will walk any distance in your shoes.
I've given up begging my girlfriend to swallow. From now on, she can deal with her anorexia on her own.
Today was really good !!! My ex saw me with my new girl at the mall at lunch , I'm guessing my ex had a huge peanut and jealous sandwich washed down by a nice bottle of "hateraide" !!
A boy writes to Santa asking for a brother and receives a reply back from Santa send me your mother 