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repairing his/her wall. Thanks Kool Aid Man. 
The skeletons in my closet have requested a walk in!!!
Mistakes are made from time to time. Without them, most of us would have never been born.
I'm one click of the mouse away from taking over the world. HA, HA, HA......
I'm not opposed to gay marriage.... I saw two women kissing in public the other day and I thought “man, that takes balls!”
Wyclef Jean to run for President of Haiti. That would be cool. Then he could totally start a band called The ReFugees.
Every since I bought this shake weight . I'm putting way too much salt on my food!!
supports the rights of the Jedi to build a temple, but does it have to be two parsecs from the ruins of the Death Star?
if you're good at something you just gotta put on your jogging shoes and run with it!!!
With a name like "Earl," I'm more afraid this hurricane will get drunk and beat a pregnant woman, than I am that it will cause flooding.
It's not that I don't like men..Its just that I think they should drink from separate water fountains..
if you don't like your job, you don't strike...you just go in everyday and do it half-assed...THAT'S THE AMERICAN WAY!!
I wish my laundry were more like me and do itself.
3 roomates and the end of the toilet paper ALWAYS end on me.. WTF!!!!!
May the mass times acceleration be with you.
the Dread Pirate Roberts.
It is beyond me why people would be camping outside in the cold weather waiting 7, 8 hours to go spend them money...SMH
Hey negative people; The only thing I want negative in my life are pregnancy tests.
Checklist: Poke People ✔ Delete People ✔ Block People ✔ Send Friend Requests ✔ Accept Friend Requests ✔ Ignore Chats ✔ Make Stupid Photoshop Pics With My Face ✔....Morning chores all done.
It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers. 