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I wonder if any of the jurors would let Casey Anthony babysit their kids... 
The guy who predicted the end of the world moved the date to Oct/Nov. That's not the end of the world, it's just another Twilight film.
in a land of chimpanzees I was a monkey
Never take anyone seriously who takes GOLF seriously.
I dont do foreplay before sex...I'm not the type of guy beat around the bush.....
i go through my "friends who are on chat" list and see whose on thinking to myself which ones I would have sex with
Get a “Head Start” on the day… Oral sex first thing in the morning!
Being fat is a constitutional right..take that Mrs. President
I'm a big guy. I hate going shopping and the only I can find that fits is cologne.
12 gold hoops, 11 fake uggs, 10 richmond kingsize, 9pm curfew, 8 snotty noses, 7 different dads, 6 grams of sniff, 5 sovereign rings, 4 stolen rims, 3 ASBOs, 2 many beers and a brand new S.T.D.
If you ran as much as your mouth did, you'd be in great shape...
Alright, buddy, stop scrolling, its time to wipe that as$
Don't worry and stress too much over material things. Material things are good to have but they aren't everything. Have you ever seen anyone stuff a Bentley or a mansion in their casket and take it to Heaven?
Sometimes when I'm sad I cry into my Brita filter. Turning each teardrop into an uplifting refreshing beverage.
Men know everything - all of them - all the time - no matter how stupid or inexperienced or arrogant or ignorant they are
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce you: deleted and blocked. You may now kiss my A$$ !
Roses are Red...Bacon is also red...Poem is Hard. Bacon.
Knock on your neighbors door and ask if they've seen your cat. When they say no pull your cat out of your pocket and make the introductions.
I hate arrogant people who think no one but themselves.They're like criminals.
Hey North Korea. Do you even lift bro? 