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a pocket full of sunshine. 
Being a doctor who performs circumsion, I took all the foreskin tips to a taxadermist who made me a wallet. Great thing if you rub it a certain way it turns into a suitcase.
3 main causes of war: Greed, Racism, Religion. I'll stay away from each.
needs some more girl's phone numbers so far I have my mom's, grandma's, and aunt's.
thinks that a decapitated Frog looks hotter than the Jonas Brothers
* Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
I far too sleep deprived, my hemorrhoids are flaring up, my farts smell minty, and these Mentos taste like glycerin. What's going on?
Miami Heat Fan: "You wait, you watch and see next season we're gonna do this we're gonna do that" ...... Still Waiting lmao! Clevelands just as good without Lebron
behind every sucessful woman der is a man staring at her ass
Hard math problem. Studies have shown that the people who solve this usually have an IQ of 120 or more. If 2+3=10, 6+5=66, 7+9=112, 12+8=240 then.. 14+3=?
The only question about gay marriage is how they get along with pain and E.coli.
like they say in vegas.....always bet on black!!!!
You are in the top 1% of Government handouts, Obama, supporter! I command you to give me 60% of your handout and pay your fair share!
On the 12th day of Christmas my Facebook gave to me- 12 people I'm blocking, 11 friends just watching, 10 corny topics, 9 holiday pet pictures, 8 friends complaining, 7 stalkers stalking, 6 party invites, fiiiivvvvee drama queeeennss, 4 game requests, 3 p
Blowing out birthday candles,, must be really frustrating for baby dragons.
Might have to break down and start wearing condoms. My crabs were just diagnosed with herpes.
Snooki has her baby! In other news, Willy Wonka said to be on a secret rescue mission of a newborn Oompa loompa...
Sometimes I wonder, "Why is that Frisbee getting bigger?" Then it hits me.
Saw a real ugly-faced, pimpled girl buying a rape whistle today. You gotta admire her optimism!
If you've never farted in a cup then handed it to a friend asking them "does this smell funny to you?", you probably can't deal with me. 