Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
Yes, I'm a chick magnet. The problem is, I'm the side that repels. FML. 
Rain rain go away so I don't waste all my time staring at Facebook all day.
My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm. I gave her the glue stick by mistake. She's still not talking to me...
My kids can worship Satan all they want as long as they don’t listen to nickelback
I went on a cycling holiday last year, and it was exhausting! If I do it again I think I'm going for a smaller caravan!
If confidence is shamelessly wearing your pyjamas in public at the grocery store, then yes, I am confident.
When I die I hope my life doesn't really flash before my eyes. There is some $h!t from my past I'd rather not see again.
If walls work. Then tell that to the Kool-aid pitcher.
I met MicroSoft owner Bill Windows.
I think some of my Facebook friends make completely irrational decisions in life that make no sense whatsoever, and we should hangout more.
Mmmmmm, I want some hamberders.
I'm holding a Twitter conspiracy meeting tonight. Don't tell Devin.
I bought a pair of underwear today. In the front it says ‘I would do anything for love’. In the back, ‘But I won’t do that’.
a good feeling: to wake up in the morning and realizing you have 5 more hours to sleep.
Make a decision; right or wrong. The roads are paved with squirrels that couldn't make up their minds.
Ah, yes...what lovely blouse shall I stain with food today?
Your belly button is just a mouth that you don't use anymore.
idiot at the gym today.. He had a bottle of water in the Pringles can holder on the treadmill.. Freaking loser.
It's so adorable how badgers and foxes take little naps at the side of the road all the time!
I'm sorry to say, but all the Canadians in the game 2 basketball finals out-patriot us big time. I'm hanging my head in shame. 