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Happy Canada day!!!!! 🇨🇦cheers to living in the best country in the world! 
I'm sorry I can't hear you over the sound of my freedom or gunshots....
Favorite all-time Disney snuff film is "Frying Dory."
Just realized the definition of the word "word" is made up of many words and now I have a headache.
Rachel Dolezal celebrated Canada Day by announcing she's a Canadian.
Call me old fashioned, but leaving a 6 minute drunk voice mail at 3 am is romantic.
I'm awesome cuz I can do 50 push-ups. Granted not at once and over 57 days.
If you are lonely, dim all lights and put on a horror-movie. After a while it won’t feel like you are alone anymore.
Not saying that I have commitment issues, but my favorite part of Forrest Gump is when he just keeps running.
What winter jacket brand is best if I'll be spending the months of July and August in the Corporate Office Building?
"your mother" is my response whenever someone talks to me in a language I dont understand.
Hold your horses is my favourite thing to say to people who don't even have horses.
Just ate some oatmeal and cantaloupe for breakfast incase anyone needs a walking buddy at the mall this afternoon.
Sorry Jupiter, unless Matt Damon gets stranded on you, nobody actually cares about your planet.
Lebron went home, Wade went home..what y'all Cubans waiting on?
I just ordered all new cookware made from Hillary Clinton stem cells.....NOTHING sticks to it.....
Judging by my news feed this week, people are outraged by the amount of recent killings AND trespassing on personal property from Pokémon GO players. Stop the madness, people!
What's the one phrase a blind person never wants to read? "Do not touch!"
Q.What do you call a dog with 2 inch legs and metal b@lls. A. Sparky
If you visualize something you can make it happen. I'm visualizing taking a nap. 