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called your boyfriend gay, and he marked up my car with lipstick. 
Yes I would like to receive special offers via e-mail. That way I can forward them to my friends and piss them off.
There has to be a way to combine Full Metal Jousting and driving. Bet I wouldn't get cut off anymore.
I'm fine with it raining cats and dogs as long as it doesn't reindeer
presidents day is for reflecting on our forefathers and accomplishments by great men..or drink the day away thanks to our current recession
pretty sad that the only thing that goes down on you is your bank balance
Everyone is perfectly normal until they stumble upon Facebook or Twitter.
What's that thing that's like Photoshop except way easier to use and it's for real life? Oh yeah, vodka.
Etc. – used to make people think you know more about a subject than you actually do!
You don't have to own a horse to know what not to put in it!
Typos are like pregnancies... miss a period and it changes everything.
I find it very ironic that I have to get out of bed on Humpday.
I'm also thinking about making a condom made of all bubble wrap...I can go from pop...pop...pop...to poppoppoppop
You sound worse trying to hold a sneeze in and letting out a weak wimper rather than AAAAHHHCHOOOO YEAH!
"Would you like some tea?"..... "No".... ANARCHY IN THE UK
I can melt ice with my mind!! ...it just takes a few minutes
Don't tell me about how you "dressed up" your baby for a special occasion. If you're wearing something you can sh!t in you aren't dressed up.
I let my dog drink out of the toilet & then lick me on the mouth because it's easier than eating Activia.
I wish the Apostles had been Cowboys instead of fishermen. I would really like a steak or burger today.
If a milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, what brings the girls? 