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Keep it down kids....Aunt Minnie is trying to think of something stupid to say on the internet. 
I just walked up to a guuy with an eye patch and asked him was it really fun and games at that point
Spooning...the precursor to forking.
So they found Richard III under a parking lot. We wil probably find Hoffa under a church.
FYI: Donkeys just call them hats.
"Sometimes, women are so sensitive! Very nicely, I asked the woman sitting next to me if I could smell her armpits. "NO!" she exclaimed. I said, "Well, it must be your feet then." Now she's looking for something large to hit me with ツ
USA is home of the Free? it's expensive to live here, my taxes just doubled!!!
Snooki is a star! Huge and full of gas.
There is no polite way to suggest to someone that they have devoted their life to a folly.
knew he had a serious skittles addiction when he saw a rainbow every time he used the bathroom.
I just want to be the reason that you constantly call your friends at three in the morning frantically crying.
Whats a pope?
im not lazy...my body is just an environmentalist that likes to conserve energy
If police work is just watching stuff burn, then I mastered police work when I was 10 years old.
I WILL ALWAYS WEAR BLACK ON VALENTINES DAY.
No I don't think Christopher Dormer feels like Jason Bourne.......he feels more like bacon.
BBQ at Bear Mountain
I get a lot of, "Sir, if you're not gonna buy anything, you're gonna have to leave," as I creepily linger at Victoria's Secret for 2 hours.
Valentines Day is the day that the "V" and "D" come together.
Last night I tried talking to the moon pretending it was you. And just like you, it maintained a distance and didn't reply. :( 