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"We Built This City on Slave Labor and Freemason Secrets" - Thomas Jefferson Starship. 
At least someone's using the parade route they've had mapped out every year since '04...
Fathers Day....the most confusing day in the hood!!!
I was chillin' with my buddy and his wife walked in and said, "Happy Father's Day! You're so much more than the guy who used to buy dollar store condoms."
Watching Miss USA pageant. My heart says Miss California but my penis is rooting for Miss Hawaii.
wondering if its ok to change the name of the event "naming ceremony" of a child to a "Product Launch"
Saw the Goodyear blimp today. It read "ICE CUBE NO LONGER EVEN REMOTELY A PIMP".
"You jam yourself inside me, tie me up and cover me in filth only to toss me aside when you're through with me." - My sneakers
Fellas: when speaking to a lady, never hang up first.
The easiset way to tell if a friend is trying to set you up with an ugly person.....when they say....."but they are a good person"
: You're the reason why God invented the middle finger.
There is a thin line between spirituality and insanity.
Will somebody let me borrow their Delorean to travel to friday already!
Thank goodness no one can see what I have open on my other tabs while on Facebook. All I have to do is make sure I don't accidently hit like.
They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder...should we give that a try?
Hi, I'm Tweeting from casualty. Nothing to worry about, just turns out the new Dyson ball cleaner isn't what I thought it was.
I was at this girls house last night, when I accidentally knocked her tooth brush into the toilet. I reached in and grabbed it quick and put it back. Luckily. I'll never see her again.
wondering if you choke a smurf......what color will he turn??
tried to balance the light switch, I should probably go to bed...
Facebook starting drama since 2004. 