Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
I just drank 3 cups of coffee with 2 Ambien. Now I am tired of being awake. 
I was just going to nail some shelves to the wall, then I thought, screw them!
I like my women like I like my cheese. Fat free American singles..
I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
I'm not drunk. I'm just tired from.....ah who am I kidding, I'm drunk!
Owls make good pets because they're always interested in your social life. You tell it "guess who I went to the movies with" and it always asks"who?"
Team member of the month award ..... awesome and desperately sad at the same time
retired. I was tired yesterday, and I'm tired again today!
Earlier I saw a guy wearing "Skinny Jeans" waiting at a crosswalk, so I decided to gas it for two main reasons. First I refuse to stop & wait on any guy wearing "Skinny Jeans" & Secondly If he walked out in front of me I would be doing the world a favor!
A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother why the bride changed her mind. What do you mean? responded her mother. Well, she went down the aisle with one man, and came back with another...
I feel a need to apologize. My wife just got back from Wal Mart and apparently, she bought it all. I'm very sorry for any problems this may cause other shoppers...
Getting ready to go get me a box of Twinkies and Donuts. Duh, Winning.
According to a recent survey... Arizona is the 29th happiest state in the U.S... I'm not sure how I feel about that...
I think Charlie Sheen should be asked to be on "Dancing with the Stars"... that would be a TRAIN WRECK...
Charlie Sheen is just living MY life....with A LOT more money
My toilet swallows so many loads that I purchased a wig to go over the tank.
Caught myself singing to Lady Gaga - Born this Way, while shaving my legs. Lmfao
When I was growing up, it was just called "the changing of the seasons"
wondering if a butterflies wish they could get a tattoo of a woman on their shoulder.
this "by name" person needs a burning stick OR a red hot poker shoved up their izass 