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The U.S. is always helping out other countries in their time of need, well I think its safe to say that the U.S. needs help....were's our relief funds?! 
learnt that 'practice makes perfect' does not apply to knife juggling
man today is better than that day when I was in the 6th grade and I hired that stripper to come to show and tell!!!!
...was a child, she spoke as a child, thought as a child; when she grew up she put away childish things... But then she discovered FaceBook!
O.B.A.M.A. (One Big Asz Mistake, America),
People need to pay up..im not a money tree, and I dont work for free.
Sometimes you feel like a nut. And sometimes you feel that the men in white coats are just overreacting.
Chuch Norris once round house kicked a guy in the head so fast that his foot travled back in time and hit Amelia airheart in the face causing her to crash, and that's why they never found her
You know those camp grounds where you have to pay to sleep outside? I wonder if those are offensive to homeless people??
has been invited to go out tonight, but I'm a little scared...if a girl spends more then $200.00 on me...should I let her go past 2nd base???
wondering, if chickens don't have fingers, how come they sell them in resturants??
These days, the only way I get rolled in the hay is if I get mugged behind the barn
busier than a one-armed man in an ass-whipping contest!
i hide behind the tears of a clown
Today Apple unveiled the new I-Pad. You know, for those days when your not feeling so fresh.
I went to the bookshop and asked "How much are your "For Dummies" books?" The guy replied "How much ya got?"
bored, so is considering dressing as the grim reaper and tapping on the windows of the local retirement home and waving to the residents for entertainment
thinks that earthquakes might get the wrong impression by us scoring them. Perhaps our invention of the Richter scale has insited them to try harder for a perfect 10!
If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button
Bear Grylls. His name is what he eats... and how he cooks it. 