Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
The worst thing about a bore is not that he won't stop talking, but that he won't let you stop listening." 
looks like I wont be updating my status anytime soon..
can't seem to finish anything that he sta
My next car is a Bentley*. [* conditions apply]
A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine...
wondering if Sugar Daddies get anything for Father's Day?
I went to have Botox, the surgeon said to me "That's $8000 dollars please" I couldn't even looked shocked.
all I want is a comfy bed, a kind word and unlimited power.
An Englishman walks into a bar. The American knocks him out, takes his girlfriend, and lives happily ever after. The end.
Smile, and the world will smile with you. Laugh and they will all think your on drugs!!
I learned two valuable lessons today: 1. 2. Write down valuable lessons before you smoke weed.
I'm buying 100 Gyro-bowls for Christmas. I'm tired of spilling my vodka when I stumble out of the bathroom. who wants one?
The thing guys want most for Christmas: A portrait of themselves in a karate outfit, leaning against a sweet Trans Am.
"Eh....I'll wait for the next one." - Procrastinating Lifeguard
I remember when I was young and couldn't wait to grow up so I could do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted... Ask me how's that working' out?(OK,hun. I won't forget the trashman comes to tomorrow.) Gotta go Facebook my chores aren't done yet..
I need to take a Wikileak
Right now I feel like that one fry that somehow ends up in the onion rings.
Getting in the Holiday spirit, just put Mistletoe in my wallet.
feels like an Atari 2600 in a Playstation 3 world.
When picking out a name for your kid make sure it's something you won't mind saying a BILLION times. 