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When the forecast mentions isolated thunderstorms, I always think, "Why so emo, thunderstorm?" 
If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him cheque book
Saying "Let me call you back" is just a nicer or rather messed up way for a woman to say she doesn't wanna talk to you.
Impotence: Nature's way of saying 'No hard feelings...'
coming up with a funny status update is overated.. be content with this one..
Lather, Rinse, Repeat ... that's how they GET YOU !!!
wishes my yard was emo so it would cut itself
My wife tells me I have A.D.D., that stands for Attention Deficit, hey it's beginning to storm outside.
Two eyebrows are better than one.
Even if you preface it with "I think strippers smell nice", saying "You smell like a stripper" has a way of being misconstrued.
It's official: Sarah Palin has now written more books than she has read.
Holocaust jokes aren't funny, Anne Frankly, I won't stand for it ...
Something women would NEVER say: "This diamond is too big"
I was always taught to respect my elders, but it keeps getting harder to find one
it's not illegal it's frowned upon
People laugh because I'm different, I laugh because they're al the same
What seperates the men from the boys is the price of their toys.
wonders why passing dog walkers insist on introducing their dogs to each other, when the animals clearly act as if they want to tear out each others' throats.
Ozzie Guillen is going off the rails on a crazy train........
cleverly diguised as a responsible adult 