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can dance if he wants to. He can leave his friends behind. 
For goodness sake let's just eat some cake
Lock up Paris Hilton in guantanamo bay. or would that be cruel and unsual punishment for the prisoners?
I wish my book of life was written in pencil There are a few pages I would like to erase.
I was not surprised to hear the obese woman in front of me in the Funnel Cake line say, "I only come to the fair to eat." However, I was skeptical when she added, "I like that I can eat AND walk around."
Earl isn't a hurricane name that can be taken seriously. Earl sounds more like the redneck neighbor you find naked and passed out in your front yard.
Sometimes finding my car keys is harder than finding a toothbrush in England, or deodorant in the Middle East.
Stephen Hawking says there is no God. I guess that A-Hole has never eaten at the Cheesecake Factory
The heart is the center of the body but beats on the left. Maybe that's the reason the heart is not always right.
Annoyed is just anger for whimps.
Should I pick you up for breakfast? or just roll over and kiss you good morning?
How do you stop a fish from smelling? Plug it's nose
I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine.
ohh really? no blisters if I use this right?
I triple-majored in college to give myself a range of options to explore and find career I'd love. Three working years later, I've narrowed down the options significantly: anything not involving those majors.
Why do people ask, "Do you have a cell phone?" You might as well be asking them if I have a pulse.
Trick or treat is not a game
contemplating standing up from his desk, stripping down to his tighty whities whilst spontaneously yelling out "Frank the Tank" as he walks out the door...
why don't they just make a James Bond Television Series? Because if you think about it, there's already enough movies to make one season."
I'm building a fort in the living room with a sign that says "nobody else allowed" and I'm moving into it. Forever. 