Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
Mom: With always having to pick up after you kids you'd think I'd be skinny. Kid: Just think how big you'd be if you didn't... 
more awesome than The Miz.
Just found a real nice cardboard box outside my work... I think I'll quit my job and move in....
lost my teddy bear.. Will you sleep with me?
Beauty is in the eye of the BEER holder !!
Your eyes make the stars look like they're not shining.
watching reruns of the Biggest Loser and eating a bag of Oreos.
At the Edinburgh Festival Fringe this year,this was voted as the best one-liner :"I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again.". Those Scots. What a hilarious bunch they are.
lets play...." I hope thats chocolate"..
i think when "the old fashioned" was invented, it was probably called "the new fangled"
the taser is a perfect law enforcement tool. the lovechild of the nightstick, the pistol, and the car battery
Suggested cough medicine flavor: gazpacho.
I'll never have one of those cathartic cries. I'll just let it out in bits during sports montages.
my armor has been a little tarnished but trust me I'm still a shinning prince.
OMG! Finding it so hard to study today, all the info just looks like a bunch of letters... Verbal, participle, infinitive, appositive, gerund.... begin, like, love,try, start stop,continue... my brain is over loaded...
Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.
... Knife-wielding intruder tries 2 break into Paris Hilton's home. So? 1 time, a forkwielding Kirstie Alley tried 2 break into my refrigerator!
"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."
He who has a 'why' to live can bear with almost any 'how'
If you are among the cream of dairy inspectors, nothing cheesy gets pasteurize. 