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Avanika Mote : What's with people wanting a "dislike" button on FB?? Guys, just don't click the "like" button on a post....Ain't that wayy simpler, much logical and less offensive? 
There's a huge debt crisis in Greece. Apparently they've got bills.........they're multiplying.
The founder of 'Jews for Jesus' died today.. the funeral will be catered by 'Vegetarians for Meat'
i love you till...............tom catches jerry n has him for dinner...... :P
Suppose I should get a girlfriend. Yep, I'm almost out of cologne.
hmmmm...... Thats weird, I dont remember eating corn last night?
In my most recent survey,,, four out of five women talked crap about the fifth one whenever she was out of earshot.
I LOVE putting on underwear fresh out of the dryer. They're so warm and cozy! I HATE when the lady in the laundromat tries to take them back! :(
My wife is recovering in the hospital after someone mistook her for a wild boar and shot her. Easy mistake as she was eating an apple at the time.
If you wear Hollister past seventh grade I'm just gonna assume you enjoy the taste of another man's schlong.
I'm sorry I ran over your dog but in my defense I was texting! You're being awfully judgemental for a blind man
God made you and me, then he whispered, "Meant to be''
• the distance between any problem and the solution = the distance between your knees and the floor
The end of every episode of "Man vs. Food" turns into "Man vs. Toilet."
Just got into an argument with a voice automated response system on the phone…It hung up on me when I said ‘I used to finger your grandmother'….
S.I.N.G.L.E = Stay Intoxicated Nightly Get Laid Everyday
If you bite the inside of your mouth by accident, you should be allowed to fire a shotgun at an old bus till you feel better.
You are stronger than you think you are. Keep pushing forward, never give up on your dreams, and don't let anyone stop you
❒ In A Relationship ❒ Single ❒ Messing Around ❒ Getting Cheated On ❒ F**k Relationships ✔I'm Just Hungry!
I don't speak Italian, but Pinot Grigio means "slut fuel," right? 