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Pollen count is so bad this year....the crackheads are trying to convert their meth back to sudafed 
Why do people yell "Hello?" in horror movies. What do you think the killer is going to say? "I'm making a sandwich in the kitchen. Want one?"
all the other kids with the pumped up kicks better run like forrest
People who check behind their shower curtains for murderers. If you do find one, what's your plan?
I'd be all for the Women's March protest if they added, "off a cliff" to the name of the event.
....yup....I definately had asparagus last night!!!
already on the naughty list. Santa... I can explain.
Marriage is not a word. It's a sentence.
I've said it before and I'll say it again! Those are not my toys, and I don't know why they're in my bedroom! ;-)
thinks it's funny that Evolutionists believe enough million monkeys will eventually type out a literary work. Facebook has proven this wrong.
Never comment on a woman's rear end. Never use the words "large" or "size" with "rear end." Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me.
leaned with it, Rocked with it..Hit the dance floor and went to do da stanky legg but twisted my ankle and ended up in the emergency room.
the only break in life you get is when you die. Live life to the fullest. Be who you are and let these mortals know who you are, They will never forget you.
Ever had something dawn on you at dusk?
You and your rumors...you both get around. ;)
As a Social Networking Expert, I have evaluated your Facebook activity and your status updates. My conclusion: You're all crazy.
If all of your Facebook pictures are tiny, people think you're retarded.
Happy Cinco de Mayonnaise!
Condoms are like going to a music concert with cotton buds in your ears.
You'd be amazed how often I'm wrong when people say, "Guess what?" 