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I'mma be what I set out to be, without a doubt. Undoubtedly, all those who look down on me I'm tearing down your balcony. 
I've lost my mind, if you find it please put it back in the gutter..
Man tried to hitch on an Airbus by hiding inside the landing tire... people say he was terminally ill! what a turbulent life...
This day has been pointless… Kinda like Halle Berry topless in ‘Swordfish'….. Pointless!
After all these years It finally hit me why Prison/Jail is called "The Pokey"
went to a seafood disco last week.... and pulled a mussel.
Winter is supposed to leave tomorrow, so he showed up early this morning, threw sh*t around, made me feel cold and desolate, and left his money shot all over my car. He must be related to my ex.
Has just realised something; all my role models, idols and people I look upto were all on drugs! :p
"If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?"
A 9 year old boy goes into a pub and says to the bartender, "Give me a Scotch on the rocks." She says, "You're just a kid, do you want to get me in trouble?" "Maybe in a few years," said the boy. "But in the meantime, I'd still like that Scotch."
it bad that I just lit the cigarette of the pregnant woman I just bought a drink for?
wondering why books on "how to make women happy" arent displayed in the fiction section
No one dies a virgin, life screws us all
wonders why the Kia Soul commercial doesn't have rats instead of hamsters. I mean, they live in NY, listen to rap music and drive a Kia Soul for Christ's sake!
A priceless moment is when the person that you have fallen in love with, looks you right in the eyes to tell you that they have fallen in love with you...
comes here for status updates because he doesn't have sick children, could care less about the weather, and already knows what day of the week it is.
has done his bit for the environment today by switching to natural gas. It was the best bowl of beans I've had in a while.
First they came for the wealthy, and I did not speak out--because I was not wealthy;Then they came for the business owners, and I did not speak out--because I was not a business owner; Then they came after my money--and there was no one left to speak for
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Why do men name their penis? They like to be on a first name basis with the one making most of their decisions. 