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To all those people with big trucks and SUV'S who laughed at me because I bought a hybrid......i see you getting gas all the time 
Christmas used to be the best when I believed in Santa Claus....i wanna be 15 again
Just caught my girlfreind in bed with my best friend. I threw her out, then grabbed him and shouted, "Bad Dog! Bad Dog!"
Police pulls over a speeding car; Cop: I've been waiting for you all day. Driver: Yeah well I got here as fast as I could. ;)
dressed as a parking attendent at the zoo, 300 spots at $5 a pop is $1500 for a days work
lets play guess who I am? ok here we go, My arm itches, my neck itches, I'm shaking, and my lips are ashy. What am I?
God's little inside joke..Give a man a heart & feelings that can be crushed in a matter of seconds.
i wonder when Sarah Palin is going to weigh in on this Stocky Markety Swoopsy Dowsy stuff.
facebook should have a 'I AM ON THE RAG' notification for women
Maybe if Kim Davis wasn’t so patently awful to gay people she could find someone to help fix her hair.
I guess the Government will be working to ban tornadoes now
Happy Easter and remember kids, watch out for Obama supporters. They will take 1/2 your eggs and give them to the kids who were to lazy to hunt for their own......
obamacare is communism described as Health insurance.
Al Gore is an idiot!
Why can't effing niqqers resolve issues without always beating the $hit out of someone??
It's been said that Obama hasn't had a cigarette in 9 months. If that's true,then why does it feel like he's still blowing smoke up our ass?
"If olive oil comes from crushing olives, does baby oil come from Planed Parenthood?
I love animals. Especially with ketchup.
W.O.M.E.N.: Waiting On Man's Every Need.
If I miss 11/11/11 11:11:11 I will be soooo pissed. 